What do all of these words have in common?  Well, while obviously scornful, they certainly describe one (or many) of your coworkers.

The very same coworkers you probably make fun of along with your go-nowhere colleagues.  Those people you love to hate at every office social event.

What’s that you say?  There is no way you’ll ever stoop down to the ass-kissing level to get ahead?  Well, that’s perfectly great for the rest of us.  Let me be the first to welcome your precious and short-sighted moxie to the professional workplace.

You get to be the Admiral Ozzel to my Darth Vader.

I (like many of my GenX colleagues) will gladly make sure to wipe my exceedingly comfortable and classy size 10.5 (size 44 for my Euro readers) oxblood ECCO’s all over your pathetic Izod polo shirt, as I step over you into my next promotion review.

Side note: I’ve also obtained an awesome spouse who has impeccable taste in clothes and loves nothing more than to point out the finer points of couture (usually while I’m jumping rope and doing crunches).  I highly recommend the spouse for career advancement – you really should look into finding one of these too.

And, after I accept said promotion (with additional bonus structure included), I’ll be keeping careful note of exactly how well every one of you remember the important minutiae of my personal and professional life.

“What a douche,” you are probably saying in that haughty, professionally inexperienced GenY accent.  “I’m not gonna play that game, I’m going to be rewarded by my own merits and goal-driven achievements!”

And then you steeple your adorably teeny-tiny, baby-soft 22-year-old hands together and think inwardly to yourself, “And once I get to be his boss, I’m gonna make his life SO miserable!”

But, unfortunately for you, it’s not going to happen.

I’ve got more than 13 years of workplace experience on you (plus many years of graduate school; where a sizable number of senior faculty members fine-tuned my suck-up prowess until it gleamed like an Audemars Piguet).

Oh, you don’t know what an Audemars Piguet is?  That’s too bad.  Better go back to the shallow end of the pool, chump; only the big kids get to splash on this side.

By now, there are so many specialized professional weapons hidden on my person that I should actually have to tell people I’m Boba Fett and be registered with the state; I’m the workplace equivalent of krav maga, as it were.

Point being, when I meet a newly minted GenY graduate entering the professional realm, I see this: A young person, taking a solitary hike somewhere in the rugged Columbia Gorge, looking thoughtfully into the sunset – thinking about how successful they are going to be if they just go to work every day, try really hard and be rewarded over and over again by their merits alone.

This whole “I’m not gonna kiss anyone’s ass to get ahead” scenario you are playing in your head is just bizarre.

To me your mental picture of reality looks a lot like an advertisement for the University of Phoenix. You know, the one where the person wants to get on the fast track to success but doesn’t know how yet?

Okay, fine, like a benevolent GenX Daddy Warbucks, I’ll help you figure this game out.

According to research from James Westphal and Ithai Stern at Kellogg School of Management, via penelopetrunk.com: “…being adept at ingratiating behavior was the number-one factor for getting positions at the top of the corporate ladder.”

One of the best things I’ve found you can do to strategically brown-nose in the workplace?  Ask for advice.

Not general advice on where the best food-cart pod in the city is, advice like: “How were you really able to negotiate an increase in that account budget so adroitly, especially when we all know hand sanitizer sales always plummet during the spring quarter?”

Another one: Don’t speak ill of your direct manager, to anyone, ever.  Never.  Not once.  Not even if that manager is actually a complete and total nincompoop.

Not even if that manager thinks Michael Bay is the greatest director in Hollywood.  In fact, the best thing you can do is find a way to subtly compliment their god-awful taste in cinema to their colleagues and clients.

Yes, it’s okay to disagree with your manager about a decision or client plan, but do it in private and be prepared to tell them exactly why you disagree with them.

Example: (after everyone but you and your supervisor have left the room) say, “You know, I understand why you think a direct mail campaign to high-school kids might be a good plan to increase awareness of Four Loko in theory, but I think you should know I’ve done some research and it looks like the state liquor control board is going to ban all caffeinated malt beverages with 12.5% ABV early next month, so maybe we should have a semi-legal back-up plan ready for the client …you know, just in case?”

Memorize the name of your supervisor’s spouse, that spouse’s career, how many children they have and their alma mater.  Try to ask about them once a week or where appropriate. Remember their answers.

WARNING: Do not, under any circumstance, come across as a creep by asking about their children (or spouse) while staring at a picture of a recent family vacation on the Costa del Sol, Spain.

You want to know what the real suck-up secret is? Show some actual interest in helping your supervisor be successful.

Show some loyalty.  Work hard to make both of you look good.  The professional world is filled with individuals who’s supervisors have been hired away to a better career at another company and they took their most loyal team members with them.  Happens all the time.

And you know what it means for you if your supervisor gets promoted and you have curried favor with them?  You’re the heir apparent for that open position.

So pucker up, buttercup and kiss that booty, but do it strategically.  Kiss it where appropriate.  Smooch it when necessary. Gently caress the relationship. Don’t make it a PDA.

Do everything you can to bring yourself into the good graces of a supervisor, but do it tactically and purposefully; don’t make it obvious.

And just so you know, there is a very strategic, tactical, deliberate and well-planned reason that each holiday season I give handmade pickles, alpaca-fur mittens woven upon my basement loom, time-consuming organic garden-grown marinara sauce and assorted home-roasted coffee beans to my supervisors…SMOOCH!

In addition, I also make it a point to kiss ass when I:

• Get to work early
• Leave later than necessary
• Be nice to Admins
• Always try to do my best work
• Go beyond the minimum requirements for any assignment
• Take a “working lunch” at my desk 3x a week
• Dress for the job I want to have, not the job I have
• In every challenging situation, ask myself, “what would Batman do?”
• Know exactly how I can make my supervisor’s job a little bit easier for him/her that day

Being a really good sycophant takes a lot skill and patience.  It takes practice.  It also takes many different forms.  Think of it as more than brown-nosing; think of it as career security.

So don’t be so scornful of a little workplace ass-kissing, because you never know if that little smooch today is going to be the French Kiss of Power tomorrow.

TTFN!

~PDXSX

If you have a keen eye for details, enjoy writing and love playing around with new tools on your mobile phone, apply to be a part of our rapidly growing startup. Our social media associate role is suitable for recent graduates or students currently in graduate or undergraduate study of communication or PR.

CommutePays delivers a fully functional mobile and web platform designed at engaging Commuters as Consumers, delivering location based deals while saving commuters time via predictive traffic alerts. Our patented, rewards based system utilizes data from a number of sources, including consumer behavior profiling patterns during the use of our mobile application, to provide highly targeted and direct marketing opportunities for local merchants.

Responsibilities:

• Coordinate online marketing and advertising campaigns and update Web sites
• Collaborate with the Communications Department and report to the Chief Development Officer
• Organize staff and campus coordination and community outreach
• Leverage social media and traditional means to communicate with potential partners
• Assist in creating and delivering messaging for current and potential customers

Requirements:

You’re on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and a handful of other social networks. You love searching the web for interesting stories and are the first to know about new video releases and emerging trends.

You have a keen eye for detail, enjoy writing and can summarize your ideas easily into tweets. You love to get things done quickly and play around with new tools on the web.

You may be studying towards, or be a graduate in, business, communications, or PR and curious on how conversations spread across social networks.  You are quite comfortable with a dynamic environment and are keen to be part of an insanely growing start-up.

You currently own and use a smartphone and actively engaged with the various apps on your device.

Details:

• To express your interest, provide links to 2 or 3 online profiles
• Part Time (approx. 10 hours/week)
• Virtual (may work remotely)
• Compensation: Paid, $10+/hour (DOE)
• Start Date: 4/20/12 (as early as)
• End Date: 7/10/12
• Deadline of Application Submissions: 4/27/12

For immediate consideration, interested candidates should apply to: careers@commutepays.com with a cc: to mark@commutepays.com

And, if you get invited to participate in an interview for this opportunity, you might want to practice your interview question skills by taking a look at our 102 Interview Question Flash Card Deck: here.

Good luck!

PDXSX

Why is this?

No one wants to take the time to go through the process of  meeting someone, getting to know them, collecting recommendations and the associated steps before hiring someone if they can help it.  Instead, most hiring managers would rather take a trusted colleague’s word that someone is a perfect fit for their company.

So how do you get to know someone in the company of your dream?

Get to know everyone.

Networking is the best way to get your foot in the door. You already have a stellar personality, a perfect one-page resume and work ethic like none other, now you just need to show it to everyone you meet.

Portland’s networking opportunities are endless. With programs like Portland Senior Experience internship program (PDXSX) in place, getting to know other associations is a snap!

Here are a few to get you started… Public Relations Society America, American Marketing Association, Portland Advertising Federation, TED Conferences and Search Engine Marketing PDX.

Among these few associations, there are hundreds of excellent networking events that bring together the top communications professionals around the Northwest.  These are the people you want to get to know.

And here’s another hint, most associations will let you volunteer to staff the check-in table in lieu of paying the event fee!  Just make a call or send an email!

No matter what job you are looking for there are groups of people around Portland able and willing to help you out. For example if you are looking to join a public relations or advertising firm, the New Professionals PRSA group has agency tours on a regular basis – follow them on Twitter here.

Through the New Professionals PRSA group, just  last week I got the chance to roam through CMD and speak with some of the upper level management about public relations and the organization.

Getting involved in these networking groups opens the door to job opportunities, internships, mentors and a better understanding of the industry you are planning on working in.

So dive into the deep end, the water’s quite comfortable in PDX!
Check out these other posts that might be useful too!  Here (handshaking), here (attire) and here (breaking down a job ad).

This is actually a very good job ad from two perspectives.  From the organization’s perspective it’s a good ad because it really captures exactly what they are looking for and emphasizes that a candidate’s success will be very important to the organization.

It is also a pretty good ad from the applicant’s perspective because it gives you ample areas to cover in your letter or resume and lets you know exactly what experiences or skills you should emphasize and focus your response on.

The following post is a suggested method for you to analyze and attack such an opportunity, by breaking it down into smaller parts which gives you the maximum chance of success.  What you are trying to do, strategically, is address as much as you can from the job description into your cover letter (no more than two pages) and support your claims with your resume and experience, which will then result in a face-to-face interview.

Your GOAL: to be invited for a personal interview with the hiring manager.  Nothing else.

Actual Job Description
WayneTech PR is looking for a junior team member who is ready to hit the ground running, bringing media relations experience and an understanding of social and digital communications, as well as organization, research ability and writing skills (both creative and AP style). The ideal candidate is a self starter with good judgment who is curious about brands, marketing and popular culture and willing to jump in and help at all levels of tasks. Strong attention to detail and ability to multitask is a must. Responsibilities include all elements of media and blogger relations, social media marketing and consumer promotions, including research, generating editorial coverage reports, tracking results and evaluating programs. As a boutique firm, a WayneTech PR culture match is important, so we’ll be looking for someone who fits well with our team and our mix of sustainable, tourism and consumer food and beverage clients. The ideal candidate brings 1-3 years PR experience (agency experience a plus). To apply, please send your resume, three writing samples and examples of media pitches and results to jobs@waynetechpr.com.

Qualifications
Bachelor’s degree in communications or a related field and 1-3 years of PR experience, agency preferred. Experience with social media and digital communications a plus.

Section 1: WayneTech PR is looking for a junior team member who is ready to hit the ground running, bringing media relations experience and an understanding of social and digital communications, as well as organization, research ability and writing skills (both creative and AP style).

Breakdown: The first area is the basic needs announcement or requirements section.  The opening paragraph of your cover letter (CL) should address most of the points in this section.  Here you should eloquently acknowledge that you are looking for an entry-level or junior position (less than three years) in this field (PR).

You should also highlight/mention/call out that you have significant experience in social media and give at least two solid examples of your expertise.  Solid examples would be something like: “Recently I created, designed and managed a 10-day Twitter promotional campaign for a major shoe retailer, which resulted in more than 165 retweets and increased the organization’s Twitter account by an additional 380 followers, according to HootSuite’s measurement analytics.”

In addition, you would want to address any media coverage you have earned (send links) and, if you have solid examples, showcase your research or writing skills.  Note:  Your CL, if well crafted, should already display your superlative writing abilities.  If you do not have the requisite social media experience they want, stop now.  It’s clear what the agency is seeking and if you don’t have the skills, move on.  DO NOT lie about your abilities, skills or talents.

Section 2:  The ideal candidate is a self starter with good judgment who is curious about brands, marketing and popular culture and willing to jump in and help at all levels of tasks. Strong attention to detail and ability to multitask is a must.

Breakdown: This area is included so you know you may (will) be asked to take on a number of seemingly unrelated, but very important tasks that will help the organization maintain profitability and run smoothly on a daily basis.  This is also sort of a caveat to an applicant, which means: There might be a difference between the work you will actually be doing here and what you are picturing in your head at this very moment.

Be open and cheerful.  Accept constructive criticism.  Be open to trying new things or doing old things differently.  Some work will be a lot of fun, while other work will probably be a challenge.  Bottom line, this agency WANTS SOMEONE WHO WANTS to be there and is willing to do whatever needs to be done.  It’s also evidence of an organization that wants YOU to grow and learn.  This is a good sign.

For the rest of this article, please click here: clicky-clicky.

This is an issue of such magnitude that it can completely change the professional path you so carefully cut from the swath of dense forest undergrowth in your mind’s eye years ago.

Be fairly warned, this is a monster who can cripple your functionality, destroy your self-confidence and even wreck havoc with your personal relationships outside of the workplace.

Unfortunately, while this problem is unavoidable it can be managed and, in some cases, mitigated – but it cannot be cured.  This is a terminal disease.

You see there is no antiviral remedy for the Bad Boss.

There is no chemotherapy for a malignant manager.

And no matter how much sleep and chicken noodle soup you get over the weekend, the professional malaise will continue on Monday.  You’ll know you are in real trouble when the ticking sound from the 60 Minutes commercial-break clock fills you with dread and misery as a symbol of the impending workweek ahead.

You can, however, learn to recognize the signs of this illness early reduce the likelihood of a more severe situation with a little professional surgery.

Case in point, I once had a boss who was so malevolent and made my life so miserable, that each morning in the shower I would literally (yes, literally, not figuratively), heave until bile was the only thing being produced.  It was a terrible situation and a career low-point.  But, because we were fortunate enough to have an understanding spouse and good mentors, we got out of the situation, persevered and learned from it.

To borrow a distorted quote from Tolstoy via authors Katherine Crowley & Kathi Elster’s book, Working for You Isn’t Working for Me: “Good bosses are all alike.  They are good mentors; they care about your happiness and advancement; their interests seem aligned with your own.”

In fact, we’ve found, after more than a decade in the professional arena, a Good Boss is directly correlated to a job you love (and inversely proportional to how badly you need a job).  While bad days in the office will happen, a Good Boss can help encourage, praise and challenge you into a positive and productive day.

Remember, ultimately management is always about manipulation, but there effective and considerate ways to manipulate people and there are poor and ineffective ways to manipulate people.  Personally, I’d rather be manipulated by praise, encouragement and challenges rather than fear, ridicule or embarrassment.

Bad Bosses, according to the authors, are like a hellishly twisted pint of Ben & Jerry’s, they come in all sorts of varieties; and not the tasty ones like Chunky Monkey or Chubby Hubby either, they come in Bitter Witch, Reckless Ridicule and Hate Maker (now with 12% more loathing).

The authors assert there is great diversity among Bad Bosses.  There is the “checked out” boss, the “rule changer,” the “underminer,” and “the chronic critic.”  There is also another variety of boss the authors don’t discuss, but should be on your radar, “the douche” – think the manager from the British version of The Office.

First of all, you should know, it’s almost impossible to beat a Bad Boss at their own game.  You won’t be able to out-snark them and it’s unlikely to can trick them into quitting on their own.

Unfortunately, there is no way for you “turn them” into a Good Boss.  This isn’t Star Wars; you aren’t Yoda and the Bad Boss doesn’t have any good left in them for you to ferret out (hopefully, they aren’t also your father).

As we mentioned before, there is no cure for any of these types of bosses, but there are ways to manage them:

• Ask yourself, is my boss really a Bad Boss or am I just ill suited for this type of work?  It takes most of us a few attempts to figure out the “right” career.
• Work hard every day and continue to always try to do the best to your ability.
• Tactfully share your experiences with a colleague or another manager who might be able to offer you some insight or advice.
• Are there other teams or projects you might be able to work on?  Is there an opportunity for you to avoid your Bad Bass but still keep your paycheck?
• Build your professional skills and make yourself more attractive to other employers.  Use LinkedIn, polish your resume, find a career consultant, etc.
• Network with other professionals and get involved with organizations or consider working with a non-profit organization.
• Get physical exercise, spend time with a mentor, or contribute to a cause you really believe in.
• Write to us here at PDXSX, we’d be happy to give you some insight or advice that might apply to your specific situation.

But if you feel the situation has become a chronic illness, often manifested with a stomachache whenever your thoughts drift to work, it’s pretty obvious this relationship is causing more harm than it is worth.  No amount of money is a worthwhile exchange for your health or soul.

Of course, since we don’t live in North Korea, as an employee, you always have the nuclear option: resign from your position and hit the bricks.  Here is the classic format for a tactful resignation.

Just remember, when you land that next interview, this time, make sure to spend as much time interviewing your new potential boss, as they will spend interviewing you.  Here are some questions to consider: clicky-clicky.

TTFN!

As it turns out however, the more institutional knowledge one builds and longer your tenure, the more you are asked to participate in these tasks.

It makes sense, if you think about it.  The longer you have been with an organization, the greater your credibility and wisdom about the type of skills and personalities that will mesh well with your team or organization.

When I’m interviewing candidates, my interviews will start with the usual banter, some light conversation to establish the mood or maybe a few inquests about mutual acquaintances.  After I have tried to detect if you bite your fingernails or are a closet cigarette smoker, I’ll offer you a glass of water and make sure you are comfortable.

And then it’s down to the serious business of interviewing.

1)  “So, I’ve taken a look at your resume and portfolio, take 90-seconds and tell me about you.” 

And all I want is 90-seconds.  Almost without fail the majority of candidates cannot follow this simple instruction.  They walk me through their entire resume (but faster than normal because I’ve said I want it in 90-seconds).  They completely ignore the fact that I already noted I have previously seen the resume and portfolio.

It leads to me having to cut them off, irritating both of us.

All candidates should develop a 90-second “elevator-style” story about themselves.  In other words, create a short, unique and interesting narrative that you can tell someone in a minimal amount of time, that describes you as an individual and does not duplicate your resume.

You wouldn’t be interviewing with me if I hadn’t already read your resume.

2)  “What do you know about our organization?”

I want to know how well prepared you are for this interview.  Did you spend time researching my organization?  Do you know some of our products?  Have you read the last four (4) or five (5) press releases?  Did you mention any of industry awards we have won?  Do you know who our competitors are and how we have differentiated ourselves in the marketplace?

If you can’t show me you’ve done your due diligence, I’m not going to hire you.

Candidates who don’t come to a job interview prepared also tend to come to work unprepared and produce results that are underwhelming.  Don’t waste my time.

3)  “We are going to interview three (3) finalists candidates for this opportunity, why do you think you are more qualified than any of the others?”

I want to see if you’ll take the opportunity to differentiate yourself from your competition in a thoughtful manner without bragging.

A candidate who has thought about what advantages they can bring to the table are the ones who are going to be thoughtful and proactive when it comes to my client’s work and problem solving.

Develop a few unique things you can bring to the table or have a relevant story that shows your creative problem solving. Give me a real reason (or several reasons) to recommend that we hire you over other candidates.

4)  “What would you do in your first three months working here?”

I want to know how you think strategically.  If you say, “Jumping right and learning everything I can!” I’m not going to be very impressed.

If you say, “Well, I’d like to start out by taking the time to really integrate myself with my team, become acquainted with the key issues we are working on, as well as those challenges we are facing in order to make sure I completely understand our goals and limitations.”  I’m going to be much more impressed.

I don’t expect a new hire to jump in start contributing in their first week, or even their first month.  I do, however, expect them to keep their eyes and ears open and learn about the environment they will be a part of.

Conclusion

It doesn’t matter if I am interviewing a fresh college graduate, someone with ten years of experience or even if that person is interviewing to be my new boss.  I always make sure that I slip these four (4) questions in there somewhere.  Oh, I have many other questions I use, but these four (4) will be present in some form.

I can’t tell you what the four key questions another interviewer might ask you, but now you know four (4) more to be prepared for.

And that’s what really matters.

I thought about that for a moment before I agreed and said, “You would probably be doing yourself a huge favor if you thought about trying to find an internship, a job and maintaining a career as a total war with your resume, portfolio and LORs as your strategic weapons.”

It’s sometimes shocking to me (and most other faculty) that students always underestimate the battlefield that internship and job seekers find themselves in.

After four (or more) years of college, most upperclassmen who are just getting their feet wet only see their current or a few former classmates as their sole competition.

This is a mistake.  You are fighting a battle against every graduate from every school who is trying to find a job in that industry.  This doesn’t mean 100′s of other enemies, that means 1000′s of other foes who would, without a second thought, step on your neck to get that same opportunity.

I hear often students trade experiences and stories in classes about their hopes and desire to work at this “amazing agency” or that “incredible magazine.”  They often use statements like (and I kid you not, I have heard this at least a dozen times): “I will literally DIE if I don’t get in there.”

Aside from the all-too-common and ear drum-shattering poor use of “literally,” the odds are very unlikely that anyone will land at their first choice for anything in life. Getting everything you want rarely happens, but that truth is neither here nor there.  We’re here to talk about the one key weapon you can use today.

Importantly, most students or recent graduates fail to see they have one more formidable weapon in their proverbial quiver.  I blame their parents completely for this failure.

This device is note honed in school. In fact, it’s rarely ever mentioned and it requires some personal initiative.

It might even cost you $20 and will certainly take about 20 minutes.

It also needs to be well timed and very sincere.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• A good pen (blue or black).
• Nice stationary (please have some class and splurge on 100% cotton bond).
• A matching envelope to go with the stationary (notice I’m not saying the word “paper”).
• A first-class USPS stamp.

After you have had a chance to meet with a potential employer about an internship or job opportunity, go home and sit down and hand-write a thank you note.

I don’t care if you use printing, italics or cursive, but do try and have legible penmanship.

Do not dot the “i”s with little hearts, either.  That’s just weird.

Thank that individual or those individuals for their time. If there was more than one person meeting with you that day, plan to write a unique and individual note to all of them.

Let them know how much you appreciated the chance to learn more about the organization and the opportunity.  Point out why you think this might be a great match for you.  You might consider raising a conversation point that was discussed during the meeting.  Reiterate that you appreciate their time.  End the note with a sentence that includes how much you look forward to personally meeting with them again in the near future.

You might think that everyone is already doing this (I just SMSed my note today!) so why should you?  Because contrary to what you think, a handwritten thank-you note is exceptionally rare; nobody does this – especially GenY.

Everyone has a resume, which captures professional experiences.  Most people have a portfolio of work samples.  Many people will have several LORs to improve their credibility.

But when I asked a colleague at a very large advertising firm how often he gets a personal handwritten thank you note from interviewees he said, “None this year and two (2) last year.”

Then I asked him how many people had their firm interviewed for positions in the last fiscal year and he said, “Well, I’d guess about 45.”

Set yourself apart from your competitors enemies in the job-search battlefield.  Take the time to hand-write a thank you note.  Do not use email.  Do not use SMS. Accept no substitutes.

Remember, finding a job or internship in this economy is a total war, not a competition.

Now, if you have a strong resume and a great portfolio most hiring managers are going to know if you are a viable candidate in first minute to 90-seconds.

Either way, that’s not a lot of time.

Even more important to consider, every hiring manager has personal biases.  They may not like your alma mater.  They may be biased against your former employer.  They might not care for redheads.  They might not share your taste in music, clothing, sports or sense of humor.

Bottom line here: You have zero (0) idea of what those biases are.

It doesn’t really matter if these biases are legal or illegal.  All that matters is they do affect the hiring decision and you didn’t get the job.

Today I’m actually going to reveal two (2) personal biases that I have and have made a difference in the outcome of many hiring decisions over the last ten (10) years.

The first one is: fingernails.  If you bite your fingernails or those nails and cuticles show evidence that you are a self-consumer, all bloody and cut down to the quick, you’ve already lost my opportunity.

Sure, I’ll do the candidate the courtesy of a 30-minute interview, but it doesn’t really matter, you won’t be joining my team.

So, why did I have such a venomous personal bias against fingernail biting?  Well, because it’s gross.  It’s gross if you bite and spit and it’s even grosser if you swallow the pieces and because I’m a recovering fingernail biter.

I quit years ago, but I did bite my fingernails all through high-school and college.

In my opinion, those people who bite their fingernails tell me they have zero (0) self-control.  Fact.  If you can’t control putting your fingers in your mouth and nibbling on your nails in public then I don’t know what else you can’t control.

Do I really need to point out the shit that accumulates under your nails on a given day?  Shit that you are just putting in your mouth?  You are bypassing your body’s natural defenses, honed by millions of years of evolution, by feeding yourself that very shit under your nails.

Also, if you’re a biter, your hands inevitably look like crap.  If you are a professional of any kind, you’re in the relationship business.  Biting your fingernails is not conducive to the relationship business.

The second bias I have (as do many, many of my professional colleagues) is against cigarette smokers.  And it’s arguably a far worse transgression than biting your fingernails.

If you smell like an ashtray and walk into my office, I’m not even going to give you 30-minutes.  You’re going to get about 15-minutes before I think of a good reason to get your reeking clothes out my door.

If you smoke, fine.  Just make sure you don’t light up for a couple of hours before you meet with me.  Gum, mints and mouth wash don’t cover up your breath.  They just make me think you like menthol cigarettes.

If you wait a bit or don’t have your first smoke until after you have met with me, you might actually fool me into not knowing you’re a smoker until it’s too late for me to legally figure out a way to get rid of you.

But rest assured knowing this, I would get rid of you if I could.

According to a recent USA Today article, direct health care costs are $3,000 to $4,000 more per tobacco user per year than non-users.  This realized loss doesn’t even count the unrealized loss.

In terms of unrealized costs, cigarette smokers also take more frequent breaks than non-smokers and require more sick days for upper respiratory problems than non-smokers.  You might be interested to know that when you are taking smoke breaks or are home sick, you aren’t getting your work done.

If you don’t get your work done because you are sick at home, that load has to be picked up by someone else on my team.  Clients don’t care why work wasn’t accomplished by a deadline, only that it wasn’t accomplished and why are they paying for unfinished work?

Work that isn’t accomplished leads to client accounts going to other organizations.  If enough of these accounts leave, people get laid off.  Some good people.  People who should be working.  People who’s only problem was being unlucky enough to have a smoker for a coworker because the hiring manager didn’t sniff them out.

Why should I jeopardize my organization’s already well-functioning team, who already produce top-notch results, by bringing on a smoker that costs the organization far more money and time than a non-smoker?

This isn’t about your “rights” as an individual, this is about business.  If you aren’t helping my business, you are hurting it.

So why would you give a hiring manager yet another reason to disqualify you from the rest of the candidates, based on something you can easily control?

Do yourself a favor, don’t make it easy for me to disqualify you.  Instead, help me identify those reasons why I should bring you on-board.

And don’t think I’m the only one out there with a couple of personal biases, the professional world if full of people just like me.  Fact.

Sure, there are some very common questions that you can generally plan to be asked, such as “tell me about yourself,” and “what is your greatest strength and weakness?”  But these seemingly common questions can serve an arguably greater purpose, which is to get you to think well and quickly in uncomfortable situations.

Since not many people have ample time to take on practice interviews just for the benefit of learning to answer or deflect typical interview questions, we’ve put together a fantastic flashcard deck of 102 Interview Questions you might be asked in an easy-to-use PDF format.

How do you use this flashcard deck successfully?  It’s simple!

1. Download the PDF file here.
2. Open the file.
3. Print the file (thicker paper works better than standard printer paper).
4. Cut the flashcards out by following along the dotted lines (scissors are sharp, so ask a grown-up to help you).
5. Practice with your flash cards.

You might be thinking to yourself, why do flashcards work so well?

Well the trick is something researchers call: spaced repetition, which (information about the phenomenon was first published in 1885 by Hermann Ebbinghaus) exploits a learning characteristic called: the spacing effect (not to be confused with the Spacing Guild).

According to spacing effect theory, humans and animals more easily remember or learn items in a list when they are studied a few times over a long period of time, rather than studied repeatedly in a short period time (cramming).

The recommended method for individuals to become most familiar with these types of questions would be to select ten (10) random flashcards and spend time throughout a single day reading the questions and developing good answers for those questions.

At the end of the day, have a friend or significant other ask you questions from those ten (10) flashcards and have them listen and evaluate your answers to each question.  Try to keep your answers around one-minute (60 seconds) apiece.

On Day 2, pick ten (10) new questions and spend time throughout a single day reading the questions and developing good answers for those questions.

On Day 3, combine the questions from Day 1 and Day 2 and work your way though all twenty (20) of those questions.

On Day 4, rest.  Do not work with your flash cards.

On Day 5, you should rework your first twenty (20) questions.  They should look very familiar to you at this point.

Take days 6 & 7 off.

On Week 2, follow the same schedule as Week 1, but use ten (10) new questions on Day 1 and Day 2.  On Day 5, combine your questions from Weeks 1 & 2 and rework your way through all forty (40) questions.

In five (5) short weeks you will be very familiar and very comfortable with these types of questions and you will certainly see your interview skills improve dramatically.

Remember, the trick to this system is not to just memorize common interview questions, but to think of good, strategic answers that will help you win the opportunity.

Check out this post and this post on strategic interview answers.

Just be sure to never forget, like MacGyver, that with great power comes great responsibility.

They are, perhaps, best known for their weekly email blast, Mac’s List, which provides job seekers and career-changers a long list of high-level opportunities for career advancement or change.

If you are a college student and interested in a real-world internship experience with a well-known agency and a dedicated team of seasoned professionals, look no further than the two opportunities here!

The first opportunity is for marketing and the second is for social media.

If you are interested, don’t spend time wondering if you’d be a good fit, take action today and show them how you can add value, because these opportunities are very competitive and are going to be snapped up by talented young people.

If you are interested in the marketing internship, click here.

If you are interested in the social media internship, click here.

Oh, but before you do anything, you might want to take a moment and review some of our previous posts on developing a good portfolio, good questions to ask and how to break down a real job ad.

Go get ‘em!

Cheers,

PDXSX